Anyone who has ever embarked on some sort of self- improvement plan knows that eventually the topic of forgiveness will come up regardless of whether the original focus was physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual. How does a person forgive while still hurting from some real or imagined negative experience and why is forgiveness even important?
Life is filled with emotions, some painful and some not. It must be understood that emotions are energy (energy in motion). Every individual brings to each new lifetime accumulated energy from the previous ones and although much of it is positive, it also includes anything still unresolved with individuals or groups. Until an individual is spiritually ready to release accumulated energy, he/she unknowingly carries it from lifetime to lifetime where it creates energy blocks and often manifests in some form.
Being blissfully unaware of the presence of of old energy or even the possibility of past lives, most simply live their lives as best they know. When an individual is spiritually ready, he begins to become aware that certain emotions seem to color his thought process. This realization offers clues as to those areas within self need examining. Forgiveness is the key that opens the door to stuck emotional energy. All experiences needing forgiveness (past or present, from you or to you), offer opportunities for the honest examination of one’s personal belief system, and then if you are serious about forgiveness, get to work on what you find.
Most believe that forgiveness simply means forgetting; reaching a place of believing that “It doesn’t matter” or “It really isn’t important so I should just let it go”. Attempting to forget or just ignore some painful experience is simply shoving the energy of it down inside where you can no longer feel it. This can be done successfully but rather than getting rid of the negative energy it simply suppresses or represses it where it then becomes an energy block which in turn will eventually manifest as physical, emotional, or mental disease.
Burying emotions is simply another form of denial, whereas forgiveness is a release and clearing. Suppressed emotions will sooner or later express themselves through a sudden and inappropriate burst of energy that comes out of nowhere or when triggered by some experience leaving the person confused, depressed, and unable to understand his own inappropriate reaction to some person or event.
Until consciously released, pockets of negative emotional energy will simply pop up when least expected. Even individuals not inclined to approach forgiveness from the deeper spiritual sense must understand that continuing to hold negative energy (anger, hurt, frustration, revenge etc.) hurts the holder, not the person who committed the seeming offense.
Many simply give up any effort to forgive, believing it to be beyond their personal ability or that those involved do not deserve forgiveness. Forgiveness is not a forced attempt to forget something deeply hurtful, nor does it mean that we must strive to attain an emotional or human sense of love for the individual or individuals involved. However, it does require a willingness to see with new eyes—that is, from spiritual truth which sees beyond concepts of duality and separation (bad vs. good, victim vs. aggressor).
How do we move into real forgiveness? First, once and for all, there must be a willingness to let go of the belief that forgiveness means forgetting because forgetting is usually impossible and is based in an ignorance of true forgiveness. Attempting to simply forget some painful life experience not only suppresses the emotions involved, but also feeds the belief that there is an “it” needing forgiveness–that is, a “good” person (you) versus a “bad” person (them) which is third dimensional energy of duality and separation. Attempting to solve a problem on the level of the problem never works and especially for anyone seeking a spiritual solution.
There has to be the honest admission and acceptance of what actually happened–“This person hurt me deeply”. Write down every feeling, belief, and emotion about the experience in as honest and soul searching a manner as possible, even to admitting to feeling hate for the person or persons involved without putting a good face on it in the belief that you are being loving and more spiritual by doing this. Acknowledge the emotions still active within you– anger, distrust, guilt, pain, rage, hurt, disappointment, betrayal, resentment, etc. because to deny any negative emotion simply hinders their release and your healing.
At this point you may even find yourself remembering other forgotten or suppressed emotions because an exercise like this it gives your Spiritual Guides permission to step in and help because it indicates to them that you are choosing to learn, forgive, and move spiritually deeper.
After writing and acknowledging the negative emotions you are feeling, next examine the experience itself asking yourself what exactly happened. See the experience from every angle; honestly, clearly and without bias or emotion. You will find that you are guided in this exercise also, as you begin to remember forgotten painful details which in turn lead to new facets of understanding.
Then ask yourself and write down the answers;
1. What did I learn from this experience?
2. What are the other person’s beliefs about this event and how did their beliefs play a part?
3. What part did my personal concepts and beliefs play in this?
4. Do I believe that only my views and opinions are correct?
5. How could this have been handled differently?
6. How would I act differently today?
Serious inner work such as this, allows no room for making excuses or playing “blame games”. Forgiveness work is not for the faint-hearted because only a brave and serious individual is able to honestly look within, examine his own belief system, acknowledge any false concepts he finds there, and then consciously let them go. This can be especially difficult when surrounded by family or friends still holding concepts of judgment and criticism and who encourage you to do the same.
The inability to forgive always involves the personal sense of self that believes it has been wronged and wants to see the other person or group punished. It is the belief that if I forgive, I will be saying that what was done to me was nothing and is not important.
It is very difficult to forgive as long as we continue to believe that we have been wronged. That is why true and lasting forgiveness can only take place when done from a higher level. Complete forgiveness and release is only possible when an individual comprehends the oneness of all life and the reason individuals are on earth in the first place–to experience and evolve from experiences.
Firstly know that there are no accidents, nothing is random. Those with whom we may have the most difficulty are probably in our life by our own pre-birth choice specifically to reactivate, heal , and move beyond some old past life relationship or issue needing healing and completion.
It is very important to understand that forgiveness is a God quality. Only God has forgiveness to give so do not look to a person for forgiveness but rather look only to God and it will flow to you from where it can flow. If you seek forgiveness from another and they are unable to give it, do not keep trying to change the situation but rather acknowledge that you are both spiritual beings and that in reality the issue is not a reality unless you believe it is, and move on.
Often the individual who seems to give us the most grief is someone who out of great love for us, volunteered to play this role in order for us to learn. These ideas are difficult to accept because we have been taught to blame and dislike anyone who causes us pain, but when experiences are seen from this higher level, everything begins to make sense and the sting of the experience lessens.
As long as an issue is seen from the state of consciousness that created it in the first place, it will remain. Forgiveness of self or another must flow from a deeper, more evolved state of consciousness, one different from that which caused the hurt and anger in the first place. A realization of Oneness enables a person to take back their personal power, forever let go of “victim-hood”, and release accumulated negative energy. Making the decision to pursue forgiveness from a spiritual level brings about an inner shift which enables the forgiver to clearly examine the facts, including their own personal beliefs and the role they played.
Each and every individual is on earth to learn and brings with them a life plan that they themselves created in order to learn and spiritually evolve to new levels within the density of third dimensional energy. Everyone’s Higher Self and guides act to bring about the timing and circumstances necessary for a person’s chosen lessons.
It is only from a deeper level of spiritual understanding that an individual is able to see the painful events of their lives for what they really were, experiences chosen to bring new levels of understanding into awareness.
As a person spiritually evolves the desire for revenge and retribution automatically dissolves because beliefs born of separation do not exist in the higher frequencies. A sense of gratitude follows once a person realizes that the painful experiences of his/her life were actually learning experiences specifically and personally chosen by them and that the particular lesson is now complete and need never be experienced again.
9/16/11 updated 7/25
Recommended reading; “Radical Forgiveness” by Colon Tippin